and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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