The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
