How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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