so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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