Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
