She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
