literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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