The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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