like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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