Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
