I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
