a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My penis needs a shock collar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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