Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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