I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
