Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
