Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
