Be still, my beating vagina.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
