yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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