my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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