i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
