Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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