I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
