took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
