she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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