dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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