This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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