Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
