I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
