oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
