she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
