that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize