I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
