If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
