theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
