Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
