Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
