If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
