Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
