So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
