There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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