you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
