apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found your dick twin last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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