how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
