On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
