I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
