Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize