Sponge bath it is.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
