Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
