i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
