You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
