the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
