can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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