Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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