I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
