Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
