Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
