i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
