im having a threesome with these popsicles
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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