I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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