Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am available for nakedness
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
