Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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