Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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