I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
