Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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