I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have aggressive nipples.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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