I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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