That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
