There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
