are you still at the devil's house?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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