I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
