you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
