Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You are a genius and a whore.
I think my moral compass just broke
This toilet bowl is my home.
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