then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
