I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
