Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
