The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
