god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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