so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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