I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
