did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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