Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
