is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
