i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
tell me about the eggs
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