..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
