A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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