I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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