Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
