totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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