I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
