The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
