ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
