I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
