But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
