Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
