I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
