do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
