You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
