dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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